The Day Draco Malfoy Became a Hottie
by Galya
Summary: All seems normal in Hogwarts until one day, when every girl mysteriously falls for Draco Malfoy! The Horror! The Horror! It is up to a Hufflepuff, Sally-Anne, to right the wrongs . Hormones, sillyness, Draco in boxers, and a stupid hat, await you.


****

Author's Notes: I came up with this idea while listening to a song called _I'm a Playa_ by a band called The KGB. It has nothing to do with anything. Just sillyness. Some characters, such as Nigel Moon and Lilah Snape are from my other fanfics. Sally-Anne and Draco are creations of JK Rowling.

The Day Draco Malfoy Became A Hottie

My name is Sally-Anne Perks. I am seventeen and a Hufflepuff. Just so we get all the boring details across first. Oh by the way I am an American. Anyhoo, I am waiting for my bestest buddy in the whole world to get of the damn Hogwarts Express. Yes, I mean Nigel Moon.

He gets off the Hogwarts Express looking, shall I say, sexy as hell? I can't help it. The boy is adorable! Don't tell my boyfriend Justin I said that. Not that he would be alarmed by that comment. He knows me too well. I have been around Nigel longer then any girl. I am completely immune to his good looks and suaveness. But, there are times when I sit back and think, man is he hot!

He approaches me wearing this navy blue fisherman's hat, with a white stripe around it. All the muggle boys are wearing them these days. He looks so cute. He never wears hats! Heehee. I swoon. Anyway, back to reality, we enter the great hall, after being attacked by dozens of girls. Well we don't get attacked, just Nigel. Now he has always been quite popular with the opposite sex, but do to recent events, that he will not share, the bastard, he is even more so.

He sits next to me in our school robes and still wearing that hat. He knows that he should be wearing his wizard hat, but alas the poor boy is too attached to the stupid thing. He says, he just really likes it. I know better. It is because it was the last gift She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (don't make me say it….okay Lilah), gave him before they broke up. The sad boy won't take the damn hat off! Move on! Get another woman! She is evil! She didn't deserve you! I shake my head at the sad sad boy.

***

We all settle down to sleep. Nigel gets into his jammies and puts his hat on the nightstand next to his bed. Why do I know what he is doing being that I am in the girl's dorm sleeping? Er, I just do okay! Deal with it! He lies down in his bed and closes his big brown eyes and nods off. Little do we all know that extreme evil is being concocted in the Slytherin boy's dorm.

Yes, Draco Malfoy is at work. Everyone hiss. He has a cauldron boiling in his room creating an evil plan. How he got the thing in there and hasn't burn anything yet, is beyond me. Anyhoo, his plan is this. His rival in power is definitely Harry Potter. But in the girl department it is Nigel. Nigel has this thing that causes girls to just flock to him. Draco is trying to strip him of that. What he plans to do is create a potion that will hold all of Nigel's, dare I say it, MOJO! Yes! The bastard will steal it in manner of Dr. Evil, and take a belonging of Nigel's and douse it in the Mojo and wear it. Thus all girls will no longer be in love with Nigel, but DRACO! The horror! The horror!

He sneaks stealthily in the Hufflepuff boy's dorm. Somehow he knew where it was and how to get in. Don't look at me, I didn't tell him. His wand is illuminated. He tiptoes in a very _evil_ way towards Nigel. He clips some of his beautiful brown locks. NO! How could you ruin Nigel's hair you…..grrrrrrr. Anyhoo, sorry, he looks around. What could he use? Then, he sees it. Yes, Nigel's hat! He takes it and runs.

He enters his room and drops the hair in the cauldron. Still boiling and none of the boys have noticed this for they are still in deep sleep. Draco must have mad stealth skills. He then ladles some of the concoction onto the hat. No one knows what evil awaits them in the morning. No one.

***

I wake up feeling groggy but chipper. I love that word. Chipper! Chipper, chipper, chipper. Sorry. I head down stairs to the common room and Nigel is whining about something.

"Someone stole my hat." He grumbles.

"Good you looked like Gilligan in it." Replies Justin.

Nigel just rolls his eyes. Poor boy. Well, at least the last connection between him and Lilah is gone. Or is it Lilah and he? Oh well. Who cares?

We enter the great hall. Breakfast time! Malfoy is not at the Slytherin table. All is normal. So we think. 

"Hey, I just noticed." Says Nigel, "I wasn't molested while heading to the great hall this morning."

I notice this odd phenomenon as well. I am just about to ask Nigel about this when the door to the great hall opens. In walks Draco Malfoy, sporting Nigel's hat! Nigel doesn't notice and eats. But, every girl, I mean every girl _does_. All their heads turn towards him.

He sits down at the Slytherin table and begins to eat. Pansy is staring at him. Nothing new, she always stares at him. He ignores her. But, Millicent and Jezebel have these stupid smiles on their faces. Draco shudders. God are they ugly! The younger girls are also goggling at him. He pretends not to notice. He begins to eat hi breakfast when he feels a girls fingers stroke his lips from behind him. He turns around and standing there is Lilah Snape. His greatest enemy; who for some reason he is obsessed with.

"Hi." She says in a sultry tone.

Draco smiles widely.

"Hi, yourself." He answers in a cocky tone.

Justin looks over and mumbles to Nigel, "Hey isn't that your hat?"

Nigel looks up.

"It is!" he gasps.

Over in the Slytherin table Lilah has pushed Goyle out of his seat next to Draco and is staring at him.

"I never realized how incredibly sexy you are." Sighs Lilah.

"Yeah, well, I am willing to forgive." Draco smirks.

"Really? Oh, thank you!" gasps Lilah grabbing his hands.

"Excuse me." Mumbles a voice from behind Draco.

Draco spins around.

"Oh, hi Moon." He says with a smile.

"I believe that is my hat." Grumbles Nigel reaching for it.

Draco is about to smack his hand away when Pansy, Jezebel, Millicent, and Lilah all jump up and push Nigel away.

"How dare you touch his gorgeous head!" screams Pansy.

"W-what?" stammers Nigel.

"You heard her!" yells Lilah, "Get back to your table and don't even think about touching this perfect specimen of the male gender!"

Draco just smiles. Nigel's eyes are wide and he walks away in a daze.

Back at our table Nigel sits next to me dejected.

"Lilah called Draco a perfect specimen of the male gender." He repeated in a dazed tone.

"He is." Sighs Hannah who is sitting next to me.

"What!?" shrieks Nigel.

***

Something is wrong! Something is…..amiss. But what? How could Draco Malfoy, the most feminine looking boy in the world all of a sudden be considered so sexy? I just don't understand. And, by every girl, but me? I follow Nigel to the Gryffindor Common room. He has somethings to talk over with Harry. I am just along because well, it helps move the plot.

Harry, Ron, and his girlfriend Hermione are all seated on the sofa. Nigel sits next to them and they begin to talk about idle evil You-Know-Who crap. I observe the room.

Where are all the girls? I swear Hermione is the only one in here.

The portrait hole swings open and a dozen or so Gryffindor girls come running in shrieking and giggling. The one in front is Ginny Weasly.

"I can't believe it!" shrieks Lavender.

"Yeah, can I touch your hand." Sighs Parvati to Ginny.

"What's going on?" asks Harry.

All the girls look at each other and begin to giggle. Ginny runs to Hermione and grabs her hands.

"Oh, Hermione, you'll never guess." She pants.

"What?" asks Hermione.

"Draco Malfoy let me carry his books!"

Ron goggles at his sister.

"What the hell is wrong with you! What are you doing carrying anything of Malfoys?" he screams.

"We all asked him and he picked me." Giggles Ginny spinning around in a circle.

"He picked you!" gasps Hermione.

"Yeah Hermione," interjects Ron, "Put her in her place."

"You're so lucky." Whines Hermione.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screams Ron and promptly faints.

"That is it!" I scream, "I am getting to the bottom of this! Magical Detective Extraodinaire, Sally-Anne Perks, is on the job!

***

Later that day Draco has every attractive girl in the seventh year in the Slytherin Common room sitting around him. They all take turns massaging him, or telling him how beautiful he is, or kissing him. Hermione is sitting outside crying feeling rejected. Draco wouldn't let her in on a count that she wasn't pretty enough, not because she was a muggle.

"So who wants to massage my back next?" he asks.

All the other Slytherin boys groan in disgust and retreat to their rooms.

Every girl shoots up her hand.

"Me!" they scream, "Pick me!"

Draco scans the room and sees beautiful Hannah Abbot sitting by Morag MacDougal.

"Hannah." He says pointing to her, "You come here."

"Really!" she shrieks, "I am not worthy."

She runs over and sits on top of the sofa and begins to massage him. Lilah is seated next to him kissing his fingers. Lavender is stroking his chest and Parvati and Padma are dancing for him on a table.

All the time he has that hat on.

"So who wants to kiss me next?" he asks.

All the girls shoot their hands up again. Draco thinks for a moment.

"Even better, who wants to snog me?" he asks.

All the girls shoot their hands up, some jump up and down, Lilah jumps onto his lap.

"Wait, no, even better, who wants to shag me?"

The room goes crazy. Some of the girls faint. The others are literally throwing themselves at his feet and begging.

"Now, girls," he begins, "I can't have you all at once. I can handle one, maybe two, but . . ."

Lilah straddles him, pushing him down on the sofa.

"Me! Please!" she begs grabbing his shirt, "I'll do a threesome if you want!"

"You will?" he asks he voice breaking.

He looks up and Hannah is sitting above him. He looks at Hannah then Lilah.

"How about the both of you?" He says pointing to them.

"Really?" they gasp.

All the other girls burst into tears.

Draco nods, "Sure."

Lilah and Hannah embrace.

"We are so lucky!" they shout.

"We will even dress alike if you want or in school girl uniforms." Adds Lilah.

"And even start on each other and let you watch!" giggles Hannah.

Draco stares at them for a second and blinks.

He then jumps up grabs their hands and heads for the boy's dorms. He arrives with Hannah and Lilah smiling happily behind him and bangs on the door. It opens and Blaise answers.

"Get out." Commands Draco.

"What?" gasps Blaise.

"You heard me!" Snaps Draco urgently, grabbing Blaise and pulling him out, "Out! You two out as well!"

Crabbe and Goyle sigh and leave as well.

Draco runs to his bed holding Hannah and Lilah's hands.

"So okay." He pants, " . . .What do we do now?"

"Whatever you want." Replies Lilah.

"Er . . ." Draco thinks, "Okay. Er Hannah you may undress me and Lilah can, er, start kissing me."

"Where?" asks Lilah innocently.

***

I run into the Slytherin common room. I must get to the bottom of this. Girls are everywhere crying. The Slytherin boys look distraught and can't seem to lift the girl's spirits.

"Where is he?" I ask.

Blaise points to the stairs, "In _our_ room with Hannah and Lilah."

"No!" I shriek.

I head up the stairs. He will not damage Hannah's reputation when Sally-Anne, Super Gorgeous Detective of Evil Draco's Plot, is on the job.

I bust open the boor. There is Draco stripped down to his boxers with Hannah and Lilah kissing him.

"STOP!" I scream.

Draco looks up and growls in anger.

"Go away you yank!" he yells.

"Never! You have stolen Nigel's Mojo! You are using his hat against! On behalf of Hufflepuff I will punish you!" I yell doing a Sailormoon like pose, complete with peace sign and blonde pigtails.

You ask how do I know what his evil pan is? I just do.

"Sally-Anne." He sighs flashing me a debonair smile.

"Don't even try it!" I yell, "I have been around Nigel for too long. I am immune to his Mojo!"

Draco sighs, "Hannah, Lilah, get rid of her."

Hannah and Lilah rush at me with their wands. I laugh for I too have some help. I jump out of the way and Crabbe and Goyle grab Lilah and Hannah. Holding them tight while the girls flail.

"Haha!" I laugh, "You thought you had me there!"

"Crabbe! Goyle! Let go of them!" yells Draco.

The boys shake their heads.

"It's not nice to use the girls that way." Mumbles Crabbe.

"What the hell are you talking about!" shrieks Draco. "We're Slytherins all we do is use people!"

"Doesn't matter." Adds Goyle.

"Oh get off your high horse." Shouts Draco. "You just have a crush on Lilah that's all!"

Goyle and Crabbe look away blushing, still holding the girls.

"Thank you boys." I say, "Now leave me and Mr. Malfoy alone."

They do and I close the door.

"Now Malfoy hand over the hat." I demand.

"Really Sally-Anne, isn't there something we could arrange?" he asks flashing me that adorable…..I mean evil smile again.

"No!" I snap, "You have no power over me."

He walks up slowly to me with a smirk on his face. I can't help but stare at his bare white chest. His firm abs and gah! What is wrong with me?

"Are you sure?" he asks looking in my eyes.

"Y-yes." I stammer.

"We'll see about that." He says and grabs my face and kisses me.

I flail about to beat the living day lights out of him and then I fall into his well-cut arms. Draco begins to laugh. I recollect myself and jump away.

"Ha! A pathetic trick! I shall not be defeated!" I scream.

"Not if I have anything to do with it!" he yells and kisses me again.

I feel his soft lips against mine. I push him away. My hands touch his smooth chest. I goggle at him breathing fast. 

"You pansy boy!" I shriek stumbling around, " You look more like a girl then me! What makes you think you can use Nigel's Mojo against me! I am invincible!"

And with that, I kiss him. I then pull violently away and slap him. Draco spins around and the hat falls off.

We both see it and dive for it. But I get it first! Haha! I scurry to the door and run down stairs, Draco in boxers following.

Instantly every girl snaps out of it. Hannah and Lilah quit flailing.

"Crabbe why are you holding me?" snaps Lilah.

"What am I doing in the Slytherin Common room?" asks Hannah. "And Lilah why are we both wearing catholic school girl uniforms?"

The rest of the girls get up and look around bewildered and lost. They all quickly leave to their respective houses.

"No!" screams Draco, "Come back! Come on! It's me! Draco! Your love god!"

"Stuff it nancy boy." Snaps Lilah pushing him out of the way.

"Ah yes. Another job well done." I sigh and head out of the Slytherin common room leaving Draco in his undies crying.

I run to Nigel who is helping Harry comfort Ron in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione is behind me.

"She didn't mean it." Says Harry.

"Yeah." Agrees Nigel.

"But, she said Draco was a sex god and I wasn't worthy to shine his shoes." Whimpered Ron.

I come in with Hermione.

"What's with him?" asks Hermione, pointing at Ron.

"Well, you, saying those things about Malfoy." Replies Harry.

"What things?" asks Hermione sitting next to Ron.

Ron gawks at her.

"No need to worry my friends." I announce, "The situation is under control. Here Nigel here is your hat. No longer shall Malfoy seduce the minds of teenage girls, thanks to Sally-Anne, Stupendous Goddess of Righteousness."

"Wow!" gasps Nigel taking the hat, 'Thanks!"

He gives me the thumbs up.

"So everything is the same again?" asks Harry.

"Sure." I answer putting the hat onto Nigel. "Everything should be perfect."

"Oy Ginny!" calls Harry.

Ginny skips over to him.

"You're looking very pretty tonight." He says.

Ginny goes red in the face and somehow trips over air.

Harry helps her up.

"You're right Sally-Anne." He sighs, "All back to normal. Hey Ron?"

We all look over, but Ron is too busy snogging Hermione relentlessly.

I leave the common room quite satisfied with my efforts.

***

That night I snuggle into my bed. Exhausted by the day. I lay my head down on my pillow and I feel his lips on mine. No! It is over! But, I can't shake it. The feeling of his soft hands on my face. His intense gray eyes looking into mine. His delicate body form. Could it be? Is it true? I have fallen for Draco Malfoy!

"No!" I scream sitting up in a cold sweat from my dream.

"What the?" mumbles Hannah, "Sally-Anne go back to sleep."

I look around. Wait? It was a dream? I lay back down with a smile and close my eyes.

Yes just a dream. Like I would ever really fall for Draco Malfoy. I drift back into sleep.

The End . . . Of Is it?

Author's Notes: Hope you like. Review please. 


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